My Crossroads - AA - gtSwartwout

It was July, Friday the 13th, 2001. I was totally baffled and confused...afraid to end it and too demoralized to continue... I was at the end of my dead end street and didn't have a clue what to do. It was the longest and lonliest night of my existence... "know lonliness such as few do", as I explored every demon and hell-thought I could imagine. I

"For most normal folks, drinking means conviviality, companionship and colorful imagination. It means release from care, boredom and worry. It is joyous intimacy with friends and a feeling that life is good. But not so with us in those last days of heavy drinking. The old pleasures were gone. They were but memories. Never could we recapture the great moments of the past. There was an insistent yearning to enjoy life as we once did and a heartbreaking obsession that some new miracle of control would enable us to do it. There was always one more attempt - and one more failure."

"Now and then a serious drinker, being dry at the moment says, "I don't miss it at all. Feel better. Work better. Having a better time." As ex-problem drinkers, we smile at such a sally. We know our friend is like a boy whistling in the dark to keep up his spirits. He fools himself. Inwardly he would give anything to take a half dozen drinks and get away with them. He will presently try the old game again, for he isn't happy about his sobriety. He cannot picture life without alcohol. Some day he will be unable to imagine life either with alcohol or without it. He will be at the jumping off place. He will wish for the end."

"We have shown how we got out from under. You say, "Yes I am willing. But am I consigned to a life where I shall be stupid, boring and glum, like some righteous people I see? I know I must get along without liquor, but how can I? Have you a sufficient substitute?"

"Yes, there is a substitute and it is vastly more than that. It is a fellowship in Alcoholics Anonymous. There you will find release from care, boredom and worry. Your imagination will be fired. Life will mean something at last. The most satifactory years of your existence lie ahead. Thus we find the fellowship, and so will you.". Excerpts are from "A Vision For You" - chapter 11, pgs. 151-152 of the Big Book

Well, it certainly hasn't been easy. And Tinkerbell didn't wave any magic wand! But I have found sobriety and a whole lot more through the lessons learned in AA. Simply said, I am becoming the person I always wanted to be...

Most of us have seen death close up. We have known the kind of suffering that wrenches the bones. But we also have known the sort of hope that makes the heart sing. And we hope this booklet has conveyed to you more encouragement than pain. If you are a problem drinker, you already know enough about pain and loneliness. We'd like you to find some of the peace and joy we have found in meeting the reality of life's ups and downs with a clear head and a steady heart.

Some of us go back to drinking a time or so before we get a real foothold on sobriety. If that happens to you, don't despair. Many of us have done this and have finally come through to successful sobriety. Try to remember that alcoholism is an extremely serious human condition, and that relapses are as possible in this ailment as in others. Recovery can still follow.

Even after setbacks, if you continue to want to get well, and remain willing to try new approaches, our experience convinces us that you have embarked with hundreds of thousands of companions on the path of a happy, healthy destiny. We hope we see you among us in person.

Willingness, honesty and open mindedness are the essentials of recovery.

“There is a principle which is a bar against all information, which is proof against all arguments and which cannot fail to keep a man in everlasting ignorance —
That principle is contempt prior to investigation.” —Herbert Spencer